It's an honor just to be nominated (If you win)

Emmy nominations won't be announced until July 17th, but I've gotten ahold of the list of eligible nominees, Freaks, and I'm here to break it down for you.

Because it's summer, and there's nothing else to write about.

Next week.

Until then, here's some things that might surprise you about the Emmy submissions:


It's the only awards show that awards other awards shows

Yep, Emmy has a special category (named "Special Class", which is hilarious enough) that goes to variety shows, stand up acts, and yep, other awards shows, including this year's Oscars, Tony's, ESPY's, and Scream awards. Surprisingly enough, you can not get an Emmy for producing the Emmy's. Whaaaaaat?!

Did you know this existed? No, you did not. Spoiler alert! Vampires won everything.

Commercials get nominated too?

Weird, huh? But they do, and past winners include such greatness as the "Man Your Man Could Smell Like" Old Spice commercials, but criminally NOT "The Most Interesting Man in the World", which as I believe my Dad and brother will attest to, are commercials so good if they punched you in the face, you'd have to quell the urge to thank them. This year's crop of potential nominees include more Old Spice, all of the ones you remember from the SuperBowl, and gems like the American Airlines commercial where they use our appreciation for members of the armed services to convince us to use their airline.

You are lucky I can't find this video, American. Shame on you. Can't you use children and old people like everyone else?

Terrible shows think they can be part of the party

I honestly don't know if The Secret Life of an American Teenager thinks that they are a better show than they are, or if they genuinely believe in the dramatic brilliance of teen star Shailene Woodley (see my review of her in April's Greatness Personified ), but either way, up against list heavys like Katy Segal and Lauren Graham, it just looks silly. TBS thinks you should nominate Are We There Yet?, another of their pandering Tyler Perry-type sitcoms, and Spike TV wants you to nominate their college football "comedy" Blue Mountain State. Let me repeat that. Spike TV wants you to nominate a show starring Denise Richards.

Aaaand, there goes breakfast.

Even cancelled shows want to get in on the game, with submissions from bygone shows like Breaking In, The Good Guys, Mad Love, The Cape, Hellcats, Human Target, and Outsourced. Yep, Outsourced.

So what does all this mean? Mostly nothing. After all, networks don't have anything to lose by submitting things they know are crap, it makes their genuine nominees look better by comparison. I mean, no one would think to nominate Kate Walsh for Private Practice, but up against Hellcat's Aly Michalka and Summer Glau from The Cape, she's looking pretty talented.

Sophia Bush hopes Emmy voters won't see through this cunning, cunning plan.

The missing are interesting, too

If a network is going to submit pretty much their entire show roster for consideration, the few shows that are missing are interesting. Often, in the case of 90210 or Meet the Browns, these were clearly intelligent, possibly humanity-saving choices. In others, such as American Dad or The Defenders, it makes you wonder. Not because these are great shows, but because they are clearly at least as good as other submissions from the same networks, such as Human Target or Shit My Dad Says, which is to say, really, really terrible. Also interesting? Two and a Half Men is noticeably absent.

I can't imagine why.

Sometimes people make stupid choices

The choice between listing an actor as "Lead" and "Supporting" is difficult, but really, really important, and a lot of people get it really wrong. Taylor Labine, who was absolutely the best thing about the lackluster show Mad Love, is inexplicably nominated as a lead, which means even if voters wanted to reward him for trying to save a sad show, they wouldn't be able to, because he can't compete with Alec Baldwin. Of course, then, no one can. And how the hell is Rob Lowe a lead on Parks and Recreation? He would be guaranteed a nomination in Supporting, and possibly even a win (he's brilliant) but he doesn't work as a lead.

And how is the hot and awesome Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Sarah on Chuck, not the lead actress on that show? It might be called Chuck, but at this point they could change it to I Married a Spy or whatever, because its clearly about the two of them. Honestly, I'm pretty sure she never had a shot anyway, because Chuck has never been an awards-show favorite, but she would have been better off fighting in the small category. Here, to make her feel better, watch her be awesome in this pop star parody:

Unfortunately, rules also prevent many people from entering the "Guest" category, which would give many a better shot at a nomination. Denis O'Hare, who played the great Russel Edgington on True Blood last season, might have had an actual shot if he'd been billed as a "Guest Star", but he's been relegated to "Supporting", and thus has no chance.

We still enjoyed you, sir. Although not as much as that Eric had to get naked to kill your boyfriend.

Stay tuned, Freaks, this is just the beginning of the sure-to-be-awesome-and-possibly-exhausting series of rantings on the Emmys appearing on this blog.

I know you just can't wait.