Bringing the Heat: Summer TV Preview

Is it hot in here, or is it just TV?

I'm sorry. That was lame.

Hey, summer TV is here!

I know. It's kinda soon, right? I mean, honestly, I haven't even finished all of the little bits of the regular network  schedule, and now it's time to overload my DVR with fluffy summer goodness?

However will I manage?

Oh. OK. 

So what should you be watching?


The Newsroom (HBO, premieres June 24) 

Aaron freaking Sorkin!

God. This show better be as good as it should be. No more Studio 60's, ok, Aaron? Make the show you were trying to make then- West Wing in a TV Studio.

Who am I kidding? The promo almost made me cry.

It's Aaron freaking Sorkin, and he's back with a pissed off Jeff Daniels and Sam Waterston in a bow tie. I just could not be more excited.

Oh, god, it looks like West Wing and Sports Night had a baby.
(It's possible I'm blowing this out of proportion a little bit. )

Dallas (TNT, premieres June 13) 

Don't lie. You know you're excited for all of the boozing, back-stabbing soapy goodness.

OK, well I am. It's Dallas! I'm excited to watch Patrick Duffy spend a whole new season sighing about how he doesn't want to live this way, I really like Jordana Brewster and Brenda Strong, and I am not mad about watching Jesse Metcalfe amble around in a cowboy hat.

Bring on the pool fights!

Oh, somebody is getting a fist to the face. Or at least a highball of whiskey. 

Franklin and Bash (TNT, premieres June 5) 

Zach Morris and the pothead from Clueless are back as my favorite TV man-boy lawyers. This show is guilty pleasure at its best!

Hey! I'm glad to see you too! 

Single Ladies (VH1, premiered May 28)

Oh god, no this is guilty TV at its very best.

I'm honestly not even sure it has a plot.

Anger Management (FX, premieres June 28) 

Hey, Charlie Sheen has a new show. He plays an asshole with addiction and women issues.

So it's new, and different.

Yep, looking good. And not at all crazy. 

Suits (USA, premieres June 14) 

I missed this shows' first season, not for lack of interest, but for lack of time. I have been assured by those whose TV opinion I trust that I will need to marathon in order to rectify this and be ready to go for the fast talking action of season two. Bring on the (fake) lawyers!

Yeah, I can see this is going to be a struggle. 

Perception (TNT, Premieres July 9) 

I'm really happy that Eric McCormick has a show on TV.

I'm not going to watch it.

The whole A Beautiful Mind Helps the FBI vibe doesn't really do it for me. But hey, if that's your kinda thing, this one looks like a good one. Best of luck, Will Truman!

This is what happens when you lose your hag. 

True Blood (HBO, premieres June 10) 

Christopher Meloni joins the gang in Bon Temps this season as the head of The Authority, and here's hoping he came to stir up trouble while he's stirring up trouble (if you know what I mean). I'm looking forward to more Alcide and a possibly dead Tara (I know she's not dead, but a girl can dream), and absolutely no more three-ways at all. For a show all about sex, they sure made that uncomfortable, didn't they?

Anybody wanna place a bet on how long it takes him to get naked? The O/U is at 12 seconds. 

What else is happening?

Burn Notice returns alongside Suits on June 14, White Collar and Covert Affairs will be back July 10. Rizzoli and Isles joins Franklin and Bash on the 5th, while other TNT fave Falling Skies will return (With Terry O'Quinn, no less!) on June 17. The Leverage gang is back July 15. FX's weirdo comedies Wilfred and Louie will join the Sheen on June 28th, and everybody's favorite meth dealer is back when Breaking Bad returns for its final season on July 15th. Happy TV-ing!

Winners, Losers, and Meh: Season Finale Wrap Up

Well, Freaks, the regular TV season has come to a close. How'd everybody do?

Winners: 

Castle

Dear Bones-

That's how you do it.

Love, People Who Watch TV

Yep, yep. That's how it's done. 

The Vampire Diaries

I should have seen it coming. I mean, it was so obvious, it was a giant pink-elephant-shaped anvil in the middle of the screen. But somehow, I didn't. And it kicks ass.

Now she has eternity to choose between sweaty, sweaty lovers! 

Scandal

Wow, Scandal, I'm impressed. The last thing I wrote about this show was that I hated the smarmy president, and thought Olivia should just get over being played by a jackass. And in one episode, they managed to get me to do a complete 180. I love him, I think he's hot, I'm tearing up over their Romeo-and-Juliet-level tragic romance. Well done, show. Plus, great twisty plot swerves and an exciting cliffhanger to get us all back next year. I'm impressed. Now don't get all Shonda Rhimes next year, ok?

Ooh, this I'm on board with though! 

New Girl

This show is just awesome. Schmidt doing the "White Fang"? Jess and the wolf? Nick freaking out? Pure awesomeness.

Oh, Nick. Nothing a rousing game of True American can't fix! 

Losers: 

How I Met Your Mother

Ooh, such a shocker, the bride was Robin! Um, of course, it's the only conceivable option when the person requests to speak to Ted. Wooptie doo. Ted, meet me at camera three.

Ted, the entire audience cheered when Robin finally gave you the "You're full of crap" speech we'd all been thinking for seven years, and then what do you do? The same old crap. I don't care if Victoria was "the one" at some point, right now you are stealing a woman from her wedding. How is that any different than chasing after Robin or Stella or Zoe? She's still unavailable really, and you're still talking a big game about commitment and then running away from it. With Victoria. Ugh.

I was really looking forward to some character growth from you, Ted.

Also, how could you love someone with such bad taste in wedding dresses?  What's happening on that shoulder there? Is she going to be the Fly Away Bride? 

Revenge

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the unabashedly soapy nature of this show, and therefore applaud the ridiculous explosion; even though we all know they didn't get rid of Victoria Grayson. It's the rest of it that bugs me. I don't believe that Emily, however much she wanted to honor her father, would leave the white haired man as a loose end- he knows she's Amanda. And does it bug anybody else that she has more chemistry with Nolan than she does with Jack? I'm also a little nervous about the whole "The Initiative" thing- it sounds like JJ Abrams, and we all know how those shows end. (Sadly, and with viewers throwing things at the TV.)

Yeah, they just borrowed the set from LOST. (Who borrowed it from Alias. Initiatives everywhere! )

Meh:

Once Upon A Time

So...the curse is broken. Um, show? That was kinda your whole thing.

The face you make when you realize they just made your character irrelevant. 

Community

I know you were trying to wrap it and keep it open for another season, and that's hard, and don't get me wrong, I love any excuse to stare at Joel McHale shirtless, but the whole thing felt really forced to me. Guess it was a good way to start saying goodbye to this show, which will have what is sure to be its thirteen episode swan song next year.

I'm going to miss you, abs. I mean, show. 

And all the sudden I've realized that I'm not watching enough TV. I promise to do better next year, Freaks, if you'll promise to head to the comments with your praises and gripes!