Let's wrap it up!

Well, Freaks, it's almost time to break out your party hats and noisemakers for the end of another year, can you believe it? And what would the turning of the calendar be without a little snarky reflection on the year that was?


Best and Worst of 2011 TV

Best

Sitcom Glory

Sitcoms are my favorite. Really. I would prefer a good sitcom over a great drama, no matter how exciting or well done it is.

Screw you and your judgement, I just want to laugh.

So, thanks, TV, for giving me such awesomeness as Modern Family, Community, Happy Endings, Parks and Recreation, Cougar Town, 30 Rock, New Girl, Raising Hope, Up All Night, Suburgatory, and How I Met Your Mother. Really.

We won't talk about this.

Chuck

Thanks, NBC, for giving one of my favorite shows a chance to wrap everything up before you kick it off the air. I really am going to miss this sweet, funny show, and getting to watch the adorable Zach Levi every week, but it's really nice to know I'll get to have a happy ending. And really, it's not like you didn't have room on the schedule....

Yep,

there's

room!

Justified

Is the best show on TV. Plus, and I mean this as a sincere and dedicated TV blogger, Timothy Olyphant is hot.

Yep.

Game of Thrones

An ambitious, ballsy epic for even the legendarily spend-happy HBO, Game could have been a complete disaster. It's a complicated book series with heavy mythology and a million characters, and it would have been really easy to screw it up. Luckily, they didn't, and instead made a season-long fantasy adventure movie, full of great acting and even more great reasons to have an HDTV.

Plus, how cute are baby dragons?

Terry O'Quinn

This is random, but I really love Terry O'Quinn, and I'm really glad they decided to keep him around on Hawaii Five-0. The show needed his gravitas, his badassery, and his twinkly-eyed grin to make it one of the most enjoyable procedurals on TV.

Hello, I'll try not to kill you in a submarine this time.

Castle

It's not the most enjoyable, however; that award goes to the always-entertaining Castle, who makes me happy by bringing Nathan Fillion into my living room every week.

He rollerbladed into my heart. 

The Vampire Diaries

The most fun crazy drama on TV, these vamps keep me entertained by keeping the action fast-paced and surprising. The show is even more fun now that Paul Wesley gets to have as much fun playing baddie Stefan as Ian Somerhalder has been with Damon, and I'm looking forward to the show's return in January.

Just in time for the Plantation Fish Fry and Limbo Contest! 

USA Shows

Psych is the only show on TV I watch live. I like it so much, I'll sit through commericals. The network just makes consistently fun, flashy, enjoyable shows with characters we feel like we know. Also...

TV Freak's most used picture of the year! 

Way to Bring it, Cable!

Where the networks have mostly fallen short, cable and pay-cable stations have stepped up in a big way, producing not only several of the shows I've already mentioned, but fantastic fare like Sons of Anarchy, Breaking Bad, Boss, Boardwalk Empire, The Walking Dead, Mad Men, Homeland, Shameless, The Big C, and Dexter.

TBS, however, needs to go back to reruns. 

Joe Manganiello

Worst

Glee

Glee lost it this year for me. While there have still been a few enjoyable moments and I adore Darren Criss, I'm really, really sick of the same plot lines, the shoehorned-in songs, and Lea Michelle's face.

That's the one, stop doing that. 

Pan Am

This was the biggest disappointment of the fall season for me. With West Wing pedigree, good acting, and a big flashy budget, this retro show should have been one of my favorite new shows this year. While I liked it perfectly fine, it never became the show I was hoping it would, and I won't be sorry when it disappears from the schedule.

I think I'll miss you most of all, Anime Ricci!

Charlie's Angels

Terrible. Just really, really bad.

Somebody deserves a junk punch. 

TV Land

Getting into the cable original programming game was clearly smart for TV Land, since their new sitcoms have done well, but god, I hate them for it. They're taking actors I like and putting them in pedestrian sitcom crap, and people seem to think it's fantastic. What's wrong with those people? Hot in Cleveland is terrible, and don't get me wrong, I heart Betty White, but she took all kinds of awards away from people who actually deserved them by playing....Betty White.

Betty White stole my nomination!

The He-Man-Woman-Haters-Sitcom-Club

While I'm on horrible sitcoms, let me momentarily rail against the crop of "hilarious" shows with plot lines that revolve around the most overused of stand up cliches, "Men and Women are different!" Look, Tim Allen, maybe it was funny fifteen years ago, but it's not now. We're over it. We've moved on to bigger, better, smarter comedy. Please come along for the ride.

Spoiler alert! This will make the 2012  list. 

Bones

It happened so fast, Freaks. It's impressive, almost, that a show could, in the blink of an eye, go from being one of my absolute favorites (like, of TV ever) to just...a nice procedural. Fine, I'll watch it, and I do, but I don't care anymore. There's nothing that pisses me off more as a TV viewer than having my intelligence insulted. You know what, writers, I've watched this show for years. Yes, I love the will-they-won't-they between Booth and Bones, but for you to think that you can somehow skip the "danger zone" of getting them together by completely bypassing it and jumping straight into having a baby makes me insane. How is that any better? Now I just feel like I missed a season, and I'm a hell of a lot more likely to stop watching because I feel like I got gypped.

You stole my happy, you bastard. 

They Cancelled Mr. Sunshine

I know I was the only one watching, but I really liked this show. And I love Alison Janney and Matthew Perry, and I am really sad I don't get to watch them every week.

I miss you, Chandler. 

No Emmy for Steve Carell

Wrong. It's just wrong that he never got an Emmy for playing Michael Scott. I maintain they should have given it to him just for being able to read the scrip for "Scott's Tots" without his brain exploding.

If only frat boys gave out Emmys! 

NBC

I'm going to keep picking on you, NBC, until you get your act together. In this year, you have given us Outsourced, The Paul Reiser Show, Prime Suspect, Free Agents, The Playboy Club, Perfect Couples, and Whitney. Shame on you. Seriously, what's going on at the peacock? Of all the new stuff you've done in the last year, only Up All Night is any good, and you would have had to really tried to screw that up with the excellent cast. Learn who you are, NBC, and stop trying so hard. And while we're at it...

More of this!!!

Whitney Cummings

Stop letting this woman make TV. I'm talking to you too, CBS. Stop it, all of you.

No more. 

Happy New Year, Freaks! If you need help with a resolution, might I suggest Liking the TV Freak on Facebook and following me on Twitter (@theTVFreak)? 

Snap Judgment: Golden Globe Edition

OK, Freaks, I'm gonna make this short and sweet, because I have, like, this whole job thing I have to do, but I didn't want to leave you without the awards show snark I know you are eagerly anticipating.

You're welcome.

So the Golden Globe nominations came out today, (you can find the full list here) and they're....

Weird.

It's the foreign press, you know, so the noms are always a little different than what American boards like the Oscars and the Emmys do, but really, I kinda like that. The Globes are always a little more cable-skewed for TV than the Emmys, and while I certainly think there are a few misses, I'm much less pissed about this than I was about the Emmy nods. That being said....


Seriously, who did FX piss off?

No Justified. No Sons of Anarchy. No love for any of it's quirky, off-beat comedies. American Horror Story got a little bit of recognition, in the form of a Best Drama nod and Jessica Lange for supporting actress, but really that just makes it sadder. Horror has made a big splash of late, but it's not that great of a show, and it's Ryan Murphy, so it will be horrible within the next season and a half. Plus, I know Jessica Lange used to be a movie star or whatever, but she is, um... not actually a good actress. Sorry, universe. You may smite me down at any time.


See, somebody is watching Boss!

Apparently overseas, they are paying attention to Kelsey Grammer's brilliant performance as the twisted Tom Kane on the massively-underwatched Boss. This will go a long way to sustaining the show, I think. Starz has already committed to two seasons of this politico drama, so expect ratings to pick up next year when people can catch up on the first season on DVD. Because, seriously, who has Starz?


Stop nominating scenery chewers!

I've already railed on Jessica Lange, so I'll leave her alone, but allow me to point out a few more actors who were nominated for the sheer force of their intense gazing and random inappropriate yelling: Jeremy Irons for The Borgias and Callie Thorne for Necessary Roughness. Do you realize that Callie Thorne was nominated over Emilia Clarke (Game of Thrones), Connie Britton, Elizabeth Moss, and freaking Katey Sagal?

Um, no.

Wrong.


Stupid comedy nominations never get it right.

David Duchovny over Joel McHale? Really?

Nothing for Community at all? Or Cougar Town? Or Happy Endings? Or Raising Hope?

No love for the men on Parks and Recreation? No Best Comedy nomination for that show, which I maintain is the best comedy on television, is really just completely insane. I mean, seriously, you nominated Glee. Are you distracted enough by all the mediocre singing and dancing you can ignore the hackneyed storylines and pedantic acting? Oh, I see, you were driven insane by Matthew Morrison's tiny little ukulele and the gross lack of judgement that led to his solo album.

No nomination for Steve Carell?

Really?

What is wrong with you, Globes? Are you completely insane? No, you're right, let's nominate the outstanding acting work of Thomas freaking Jane, who has about as much facial expression as Kristen Stewart and less charisma, but ignore the final performance of a brilliant actor playing one of the most seminal comedy characters on television. No, you're right, that makes perfect sense.

Morons.

OK, so maybe I'm a little pissed.








If you are too, yell about it in the comments! And be sure to Like me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter (@theTVFreak).

Over It

Hey, Freaks. Feel like doing some bitching?

Good, me too.


Shut up, Glee.

Really, you couldn't do the "Santana's a lesbian!" episode without "I Kissed a Girl"? That song is about being a drunken bar slut, not an out and proud lesbian. I'm not knocking bar sluts, I'm just saying it's a different thing.

And while we're at it, Cory Monteith's horrible, horrible "earnest" face while doing the excruciating "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" should never be allowed on my television again. This show is just so inconsistent. One second we're doing the exact same plotline that we started three years ago (Still haven't dealt with being losers, people? Really?) and the next second they've swept through something that could have been an actually interesting plot point (So glad you managed to clear up Quinn's devastating emotional problems with one pep talk, Puck!). I'm delighted Rachel got suspended. Now get rid of Finn, Quinn, Mr. Schuester, Emma, Sue Sylvester, and Kurt (who I love, but never gets anything new anymore).

Well, he did get that new...sweater? Shawl? Shaweater?

Bye, Pan Am!

I tried, y'all. I really, really did. If you read this blog regularly, you know that I have talked this show up a lot, because I genuinely enjoyed it, and I thought it really had the potential to get better.

Yeah, it didn't.

Plus, it is really, really getting cancelled. So off the DVR it goes, to make way for other things that have better lived up to their potential. (Yeah, that's basically just New Girl, Up All Night, and Revenge.)

No, it's not you. You are a torture chamber of cliche.

Speed it up, Ringer.

Ringer has never been a show I can't wait to watch, but I have enjoyed it pretty consistently, and it does manage to surprise me on occasion. I still think the problem it's having holding my attention is that it feels slow. I want this show to feel more like The Vampire Diaries, where the main arc turns over three or four times in a season. The closest they got was when they killed (maybe) the best friend, but I feel like I've just spent the entire run of the show thinking that it should be a much more wild, crazy, fun ride.

You can tell, because the stunt casting has begun. Side note- Amber Benson looks hot!

Stay put, Grimm.

I'm not really watching Grimm, because...well...honestly, I just don't care. It's a good show, I like the fairy tale angle, the dude is cute, it's got a little zippy humor; I should care. I don't. But a fair number of people are watching the show on Friday nights (more than lead-in Chuck, which somehow surprised the network with low ratings when they'd already announced it was the end of the show). I know you are struggling, NBC, but moving this show to another night, especially the talked about Thursdays is not going to work. Just leave it alone. You got yourself in this mess NBC, don't punish decent shows trying to get out of it. (Ahem, Community, ahem.)

At least you know that rewarding awful shows is not helpful...Oh, no you don't.

Screw you, Bones.

My DVR has not been recording Bones.

I have not had a panic attack about this.

In fact, it's been perfectly fine. I've caught up on the internet at some point in the next week, but still. Last year, Bones was number one on the DVR list, the only show it was programmed to record at all costs.

Hey, remember when I cared enough to hate you? Good times.

This year? Eh, not so much.

Look, I watched and liked last week's episode, it was cute and funny in several places. But Bones is broken for me. When I watch, it just doesn't feel like the same show to me. Or it's the same show, but I missed a whole season or something. It's just not the same, and that makes me sad. Who knows, maybe it will get better, and I haven't spent this much time invested to give up now, so we'll see if tonight's much-touted "emotional" episode can bring me back into the fold.

Right now, I'm just over it.

Turkey Day Greatness

Happy Thanksgiving, my dearest Freaks!

I have a lot to be thankful for. I've got a great family, awesome friends, I make a mean chocolate pie.

And of course, my true love...

Television.

Top Ten Thanksgiving Episodes

Will and Grace, "Lows in the Mid Eighties"

Like most long-running sitcoms, Will and Grace has a few great Thanksgiving episodes, but none more amazing than this flashback-centered episode. It showed how Jack met Will, how Karen met Stan, and how Will met himself when a disastrous trip home with his then-girlfriend Grace led him to come out of the closet. It's hilarious, it's sweet, it's got amazing 80's wigs, what more could you ask for?

Best line:

Will: I'm not gay.
Jack: This well worn copy of the Dreamgirls soundtrack begs to differ.

So does that haircut. 

Friends, "The One with All the Thanksgivings"

Another show with a plethora of great Thanksgiving episode choices, the one that remains my favorite is this multiple-flashback gem, where Thanksgiving stories leave Chandler (the "King of Bad Thanksgivings") depressed, Monica trying to cheer him up with a turkey on her head, and the couple's first I-love-yous. Aw! (Plus, more bad 80's wigs!)

Best line:

Phoebe: I've got a Thanksgiving story that's worse."
Chandler: Worse than 'More turkey, Mr. Chan-deh-ler'?
Phoebe: Oh, did the poor little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!

Everything is funnier with a fez.

Mad About You, "Giblets for Murray"

I don't remember this show all that well, despite the fact I know my family watched and liked it, but I do remember this episode really specifically. The Thanksgiving dinner takes on a life of its own as Jamie and Paul try to make all of their various relatives happy, and end up going through like five turkeys due to comedy-of-errors style miscommunication and Murray the dog.

Best line:

Jamie: (Asking Paul to go to the store for brussel sprouts) Come on Fran's alone, she's feeling vulnerable, and she loves brussel sprouts.
Paul: So let her eat a valium.

Roseanne, "We Gather Together"

Roseanne was better known for its great Halloween episodes (I'm still traumatized by the thing with Dan's hand in the disposall) but this great episode, which featured both sets of in-laws and Jackie trying to hide her new career as a cop, was hilarious and sweet. I adore Roseanne's mother, who is just the most perfect charactature of the passive-aggressive mother ever on television, and makes this episode with her guilt-inducing whining.

Best line:

Roseanne: I don't think you should tell Mom about you being a cop.
Jackie: Why not?
Roseanne: Because I don't want Mom to drop dead of a heart attack at the dinner table!
Dan: Why not?

How I Met Your Mother, "Slapsgiving:

There's singing. There's screaming. There's slapping. It's the perfect Thanksgiving! I won't lie, I love the saluting thing Robin and Ted do (I don't say it out loud, but you can bet my brain goes "General Knowledge"!) and guest star Owen Bean is great at the perception of Robin's older date, but you just don't get better than the awesome slap and even more awesome song about the slap. God dammit, Jason Segel, I love you.

Best line:

Marshall: Why is your right cheek twitching?
Barney: It's not.
Marshall: Maybe it's because Future Me slaps Future You so hard it reverberates back to the present, shattering the Time-Slap Continuum!

Marry me, you fabulous psycho. 

Cheers, "Thanksgiving Orphans"  

Shouldn't all Thanksgiving dinners begin with a food fight? The one at Carla's did, after a slow-cooking turkey, missing dates, and Diane being...well, Diane. A classic Thanksgiving episode made perfect by the appearance of the long-awaited Vera, whose face we still couldn't see due to all the pumpkin pie covering it.

Best line:

Diane: What could be more enjoyable than opening your heart this holiday season?
Carla: Opening yours with a can opener?

Um, your wife is lovely.

The West Wing, "Sibboleth" 

A powerful episode that still manages to be really funny, with CJ choosing a turkey for the President to pardon and the guys with not much to do until a group of stowaway Chinese immigrants are found seeking asylum. This is West Wing at its best.

Best line:

CJ: The most photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children's zoo. The runner-up gets eaten.
Bartlet: If the Oscars were like that, I'd watch.

Gilmore Girls, "A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving"

This classic Girls episode sees Lorelai and Rory attending four different Thanksgiving dinners, after they can't bear to tell anyone no. It's fast-talking, banter-y holiday fun!

Best line:

Lorelai: Who's that?
Rory: It's Lane. It just says 'bible kiss bible'.
Lorelai: What does that mean?
Rory: No idea. Good band name, though.

Can't you just feel yourself talking faster? 

Everybody Loves Raymond, "No Fat" 

When Marie goes on a diet, she demands a healthy thanksgiving dinner, which means (dun dun dun!) Tofurkey.

Best line:

Ray: Where's your dog, Robert?
Robert: I don't think Shamsky would eat this.
Ray: Yeah, but we could eat him.

The Cosby Show, "Cliff's Wet Adventure" 

Cliff is forced to make four trips to the store for things Claire forgot. Trust me, it's hilarious. Just watch the clip from 1:30 and tell me you haven't heard your parents have the exact same conversation:

Best line:

Russell: (starting grace) Heavenly Father...
Cliff: You got that right.

Television Medium

Sometimes I like to do weird and random stuff on this blog, Freaks.

What can I say? It's just part of my charm.

To that end, I give you:


Ten TV Crossovers We Wish Could Happen



Happy Endings and How I Met Your Mother

This might be a little personal on my part, because these are the two shows that simultaneously remind me of my friends and contain people I want to be friends with. So shouldn't they be friends? Here's all I have to say to convince you this would work: Penny and Ted. Done!

Together, they would reach new heights of neuroses.

Once Upon a Time and Castle

This is my favorite one, because it seems really strange at first glance, but if you think about it long enough, it starts to make sense. Castle loves "theme" episodes, so the fairy tale thing works great for them, and you could even work Castle and Beckett into the "Fairy Tale Land" as Grimms or Beauty and the Beast. It would be a total blast. Plus, and I believe this wholeheartedly, Nathan Fillion can pull off anything.

Oh, god. Ok, not anything.

The USA shows

It makes sense, given the very specific vibe that all of the USA shows have, that you could see any of them meshing up pretty well, Burn Notice could cross with Covert Affairs or Royal Pains with Suits, but I think the one I'd most enjoy watching is Psych and White Collar. Not only because I would like to watch James Roday and Matt Bomer on the same screen, but also because the tone of the shows would fit really well together. Shawn and Gus would be enamored of Neal, who would bask in the adoration, and trying to watch Peter put up with Lassiter would be hilarious. See, you're thinking about it now, and it totally works, right?

Yep. It's like a good hair buffet.

30 Rock and Parks and Recreation

This one pretty much writes itself, with Amy Poehler and Tina Fey being besties and all, but god, wouldn't it be awesome? The Parks and Rec department somehow ends up winning a trip to The Girlie Show in exciting New York City, and wreaks all kind of havoc on the 30 Rock crew. Jack could become obsessed with Ron, feeling like he needs to get closer to his everyman American roots, Leslie could follow Liz around, April could scare the crap out of Tracy. Are you listening, NBC? I'm giving you gold here. God knows you need it!

Nah, you'll be fine.

Justified and Sons of Anarchy

Again, I think this one springs to mind because of the gritty FX look, but it would be pretty easy to do. Just mix up all those drug rings and all the sudden Jax is making deals with Raylan.

I have no other reason for suggesting this crossover.

The Office and Modern Family

This is the one that I have no idea how you'd pull off, I just think it would be really great to see Phil and Andy in the same place. Hey, look, I didn't say they were all going to be gold.

Bones and Ringer

Buffy reunion! You know if these shows were not on different networks, this would already be in the works. Well, except for how SMG seems to be trying to hard to remind us that she's not Buffy. Whatever, you totally are. Now get Angel involved with the FBI case surrounding the missing friend!

And then proceed to remind us how old we've all gotten.

True Blood and Supernatural

Um, duh.

The Vampire Diaries and Glee

Let me just get this right out there: I have no interest in singing vampires. (Well, at least since Spike hung up his coat.) I just want to figure out some strange way for the Glee kids' bus to get stranded in Mystic Falls so that Damon can kill the hell out of Rachel.

Hey, Damon, while you're at it...

Community and Chuck

If you can make up a reason that Chuck and the gang have to infiltrate Greendale, I think this could be a weirdly perfect combo. (Which, let's face it, weird is kinda what these shows do.) Abed and Morgan would be instant friends, and Annie could fall in love with Chuck, undercover as a regular student. And it would be awesome to see Casey face off with Jeff, or even better, crazy Pierce. NBC, if one of these shows isn't back on my TV next year, I'm giving up on you all together.

Yeah, but make sure this plays at least three times a week. That will make it stop sucking.

I'd like to give a special shout out to one of my friends, who despite the fact that he does not watch either of these shows, suggested a crossover of Bones and Castle. Um , yes please!


Dear TV,

Get on that.

Love,
The TV Freak




Add your brilliant crossover ideas to the comments, and if you still haven't (despite my copious reminders) like me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter (@theTVFreak)!

Heart...Wait For It...Break

I haven't cried at TV in a long time, Freaks.

If you discount weddings, deaths, or series finales, I can count the number of times on one hand.

But the end of last night's How I Met Your Mother had me bawling like a baby.

It's hard for a half hour comedy to pull off simultaneously funny and heartbreaking. That's not a lot of time to swing your audience's emotions so drastically, and though HIMYM has always been really good at it, last night's episode was absolutely the best they've done.

The episode is framed by Einstein's theory of relativity (that time moves at different speeds), a conceit that works just beautifully with the A-plot, Barney and Robin dealing with the repercussions of a night together, and the well-done B-plot, in which high (after "eating sandwiches"- great job with continuity, guys!) Marshall and Ted freak out about getting older. If those two things seem incongruous, I promise, they are not, and were a great compliment to the "relativity" theme of the show. It's an episode full of great moments, big and small (shout out to Lily eating the trash nachos and the "cloves and mediocrity" line) and the perfect tone.

I could talk about a lot of things from this episode, and I will, actually, in just a second, but let me say first that this episode succeeded in large part because of the superb talent of Neil Patrick Harris. He acted the hell out of every moment of it, and it was really spectacular to watch.

And heartbreaking.

This show has always been about the theory of relativity, because it has always been about perspective. Ted is telling the story of his life with the benefit of hindsight; he's willing to share the worst of himself, the terrible things that happened because he knows that everything turned out OK in the end. This show is about the mistakes that we make in life that get us to where we are going, which means they weren't mistakes at all. It's about knowing, at some point, that all the heartache, all the turmoil, all the pain, is leading to a place that we wouldn't have gotten without it. Future Ted already knows this, and sometimes even Current Ted (in his better moments) understands, but Barney doesn't. Or he didn't, before this happened. He saw, for a moment, that this awful thing that he and Robin had done, could be not "the story of how [they] both made a horrible mistake...but the story of how [they] got back together."

It's about perspective.

Robin is too insecure to trust that. She needs to know why Barney would want to be with her before she can consider taking a risk with her heart again, even though he, this previously scared, distant, emotionally avoiding playboy stepped up and offered his to her. He told her it was because she was almost as much of a mess as he was, and everyone watching smiled in agreement. It's why we believe in these two and why we want so badly to see them find their way to each other.

He was ready, when it was his turn, to take a step towards Robin by telling Nora the truth, about not only what he'd done, but what it had meant to him. This was a perfectly crafted scene, from the great montage moment to the clock ticking in the background, and we cheered because Barney Stinson was ready for a real relationship. The show has done a really great job with developing Barney's character slowly and realistically, with the occasional two-steps-forward-one-step-back feeling, which I think serves to make us only more invested when we can see, like in this episode, how clearly he has changed.

Unfortunately, Robin hasn't quite followed suit. (Pun!) Robin asked Kevin, too, after he told her he loved her, why he wanted to be with such a mess. His response was filled with compliments and romantic flattery, and a picture of herself that she wanted to believe, so she listened to him instead. Kevin's answer was perfect (Worst. Therapist. Ever.), and Barney's was real, and Robin is too damaged, too scared to deal with that. So she stayed with Kevin, the one who says he loves her, even though she knows that she lied when she promised him she was just as in their relationship as he is, because she wants to be who he sees.

It's about perspective.

Barney is left standing in MacLaren's, waiting for the happy beginning he isn't going to get. There's a moment, when she walks in, that he thinks she's alone, that she's coming to begin with him. You can see his world shatter when he sees Kevin behind her, when he looks at her with this mix of heartache and hope to silently ask if she still wants him.

She just shakes her head.

As Ted voiceovers, it was the longest moment of Barney's life. From his perspective, everything is over. This is a man who promised himself he'd never care again, after the last girl he loved hurt him enough to turn him into the callous, detached, suit-wearing lothario he became. But he did. He couldn't help himself, he fell in love. And he owned it, he stepped up and said, (even if it came at the end of a joke), "Let's start a new life together." And she said no.

In reality, I don't think a guy like him comes back from that.

Luckily, this is TV, so it doesn't work like that.

It's all about perspective.

Tiny Adorable Murderers

So Bones came back last night.

I'm.....

Well, it's like.....

I have no idea how I feel. Sure, it's cute. They're moving in together, saying I love you, Baby Hodgela is freaking adorable, it's all happy sunny sweetness.

And I feel like I missed a season.

I'm not going to lie, Freaks, this baby makes me nervous. So does the one over on How I Met Your Mother. Why?

Because babies are show killers.

They come into shows where they don't belong, screwing up the existing dynamic and leading to asinine plot points or bizarre characterization.

Let's get listy!

Ten Show-Ruining Kids

Friends

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, there was a way to do that kid as the perfect ending to the Ross and Rachel story, and they...did not do that. Instead, Emma went the way of Ross' other child, in that we completely forgot that it existed. Except for when they trotted it out for a random, usually silly, plot device.

When else has a baby been less memorable than a haircut?

Murphy Brown

Sure, it was a big deal when this fictional character stood up to the actual Vice President by having a baby as an unwed single mother (Hey, remember when that was a big deal?) but shortly thereafter the show became focused on Murphy's personal life instead of her career and the show lost its edgy zip. Plus, that kid grew up to be Haley Joel Osment. I see dead series?

Grownup Haley wishes I would write less lame jokes.

Will and Grace

The rare instance of a non-existent baby leading a show to its demise, I think W&G's shark-jumping moment was not Leo, but the terrible decision that led up to it, Will and Grace trying to have a baby together. It's a cliched plot that would make more sense when the show is on its last leg, not in the middle of a previously great season. Plus, it made Leo happen. And I hate Leo.

It's like if a fish were a person.  

Charmed

What seemed like an OK idea at the time turned into three seasons of yelling "Wyatt is going to turn out to be evil!" And Chris ended up with the whole, "Oh, crap, I messed up the timeline and now I have to make sure my estranged parents do it or I won't exist to keep Baby Wyatt from turning into Big Evil Wyatt!" thing, which, honestly, was just a little weird for everyone involved.

That child-like face says "Parents, please get busy."

Beverly Hills, 90210

OK, not so much of a show-killer as a character-killer, but Andrea's baby with that guy who was supposed to be a random extra and got to stick around for three years made for some unbelievably boring drama in the midst of an otherwise crazy soap. I'm sorry Brandon never loved you , sweetie, now pack it up for Boston!

Guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses. Especially when the slut next door isn't wearing anything.

House

It's possible that people just got really sick of hearing about lupus, but my money's on Cuddy's baby as the downturn to this formerly enjoyable procedural. It made House kinda mushy, which no one wanted to see, and led to the disastrous "Huddy" relationship, which has definitely put the nail in the show's coffin. Expect the funeral march to begin any minute now.

No, seriously. How does he keep his license?



Angel
It was a shocking twist when two vampires magically got to have a kid, and they managed to pull several really great episodes out of it before it all went to hell. Literally. As sci-fi shows are prone to do, baby Conner got kidnapped to a hell dimension and came back a twisted teen hell bent on revenge. And also, kinda living out some Oedipal fantasies with Cordelia. Which was just really icky.

Aaaaannnnnddd....there goes lunch....

Full House

An attempt to step up the cute factor after the Olsen twins weren't toddlers anymore, Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky got married and had twins of their very own. And still lived in the house with all of the rest of them. Um, what? You're an adult. Get your own apartment.

With two babies, isn't it awesome that we have that big attic room to live in?

Ally McBeal

Hayden Panettiere kinda messes everything up, doesn't she? This was a weird and left-field plot in which the child Ally never knew she had appears from nowhere and somehow manages to stick around. I know they were lawyers, but were they also magic?

Yeah, magically delicious.

Growing Pains

The worst offender of the 80's sitcoms that magically aged their babies overnight, the Seaver kid went from being in diapers to....the second freaking grade. Did you think we wouldn't notice, show? Guess what! We did.

We also figured out this guy was going to end up a douchebag.

So what do you think, Freaks? Any tiny tots I missed? Are you freaking about the possible babies of doom on Bones and HIMYM? Take it to the comments!



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