Busted!

Hey Freaks! It's another Friday, and time for me to delight and entertain you with this week's Top Ten list. Now, you know I love TV, but it's time to lay a little judgment down on some of our favorite shows. So remove your sunglasses in a swift manner and read up on

Top Ten Most Annoying Cop Show Cliches

Now, look, procedurals are positively full of cliches. There's the maverick cop, the long suffering sarge, the disgruntled sidekick, the guest star who's always guilty. That's part of the reason we love them, you always know what you're getting.

Irrational yelling and vaguely lesbian subtext.

But there are a few things they dish out that just bug the crap out of me. For instance:

1. Jurisdiction? What jurisdiction?

Not every procedural has to worry about this, all of the Law and Order franchises usually do just fine, but most of the rest of them either ignore this problem, or give the flimsiest excuse in the history of crime as to why these officers are solving a particular crime. Bones has pretty much given up trying, but every once in a while, like last week when Booth and Bones solved the murder of a random wedding coordinator, I just think "Gah! Seriously?!? You work for the damn FBI! This is clearly a local PD problem!" Then I just watch the pretty people onscreen. So pretty...


2. "You're in contempt! Bailiff, get her out of here!"

Look, I get that contempt of court is a real thing. However, I do not believe that it is used in the regular world in the same way, and certainly not with the same frequency, that it is used on TV. Most of the time (like the pilot of Fairly Legal where Kate was found in contempt for interrupting the judge once) it's just used to show the judge is a hard ass. Because nothing says tough like unnecessary paperwork for the justice system.

Pictured: Justice

3. Obstruction of justice? Yeah, not how that works.

The people cops question are always of one of two varieties; either the person willing to share everything with the cops, or the ones who claim confidential and refuse to help. Look, you do not have to help cops out. It's the nice thing to do, they're trying to solve a murder and all, but just refusing to answer a question is not obstruction. And why is it that the ones who never want to help are always hotel clerks or social workers? That's not how that works, either. (Also, why don't they ever stop what they are doing? Like, the cops just showed up at your job, and you just keep making pizza or copying memos or whatever. You want to talk about this somewhere a little more private perhaps?)


4. Yep, lifelong criminals are really stupid!

Why aren't you asking for a lawyer? You've got a rap sheet a mile long of drug possessions, b&e's, and assaults, and you haven't figured out by now to ask for a lawyer? The only people on cop shows who ever ask for a lawyer are rich people and sociopath serial killers. Most of the time, even when the dumb regular dude asks for one, he keeps talking anyways. Dude, just don't tell them how you killed that chick. That's all you have to do.

Totally asking for a lawyer.

5. Does that say XedEx?

Really, White Collar? Just park the blank delivery truck right outside the criminal warehouse (don't even get me started on that one) and they won't notice? Even though they are a little unsure about whether to trust the conveniently available new guy? Why don't criminals ever notice the surveillance van? Seriously, if a UPS truck is parked on my street for more then four minutes I automatically start thinking one of my neighbors is running a drug ring. Stupid criminals.


6. Lady cop shoes

Look, Bones, White Collar, Psych, NCIS, Castle, and all CSIs. That is not what lady cop shoes look like.

This is what lady cop shoes look like. Unless you are a lady cop stripper.  

Do you know why lady cop shoes look like the picture above? Because you can not chase criminals in stilettos. TV makes you think that people can, but it is a lie. Also, you would just destroy your shoes.

Speaking of which:


7. How much money do you make?

I know this is a problem all over TV, but for some reason it tends to bug me more with cop shows. Part of the reason these are noble professions is that they are low paid. The average NYC detective earns $64,000 a year. So Kate Beckett, lead detective on Castle, can totally pay for her multi-million dollar two bedroom pre-war Manhattan apartment and the new pair of stilettos she has to get every week. And Booth can propose to his girlfriend on Bones with a five carat diamond ring and then throw it in a lake when she says no.

How else can three years salary last forever? 

8. Oh, my wife is dead? Huh, that sucks.

With the exception of the occasional ethnic mother who really lets go with the screaming, crying, falling down in the middle of the precinct bit, no one ever really seems that upset about their dead wife/friend/co-worker. Nobody breaks down in tears, or laments how they are going to tell the parents or the kids. Actually, it's a pretty safe bet if a spouse does cry and worry about the kids, they did the murdering themselves.


9. Wait, what do you do here?

Angela from Bones is an artist who joined the team to draw faces from skulls. Oh, and also, the most brilliant technological mind on the planet. Seriously, she built a holographic computer, she can get ballistics from a smashed bullet, she can recreate an accident from scratches on a bike. Abby from NCIS is a lab tech, but also a master hacker. It is just so helpful that these people have random skills they were not trained for at all. Oh, and Abby, it is really nice that a military law enforcement office has no dress code.

I did not know Hot Topic did business casual.

Speaking of Angela:

10. Computers are magic

Computers in cop shows can do anything. They can find any cell phone, "triangulate" a location (I think that's made up) and the one that specifically bugs me - zoom into and clarify any picture. If you've ever tried to enlarge a picture on a computer, you know that's not how digital photography works. Also, I hope you have not been unlucky enough to get busted by a traffic cam, but the pictures do not result in close up face shots that can tell you who is driving a car. Big brother is watching, but you look kinda blurry.

Damn! We almost had him! Can you get a license plate?

Well, that's it Freaks! Did I miss one? Sound off below!

Crazy or Cool? Pilot season 2011

I like to keep you informed here at the Freak. Just part of the full-service atmosphere I provide.

I'm so helpful.

Here's a look at how the network pilot season is shaping up for Fall 2011, with a side of judgment, of course.

NBC

The Cool: The David E. Kelley helmed Wonder Woman project could be awesome, provided Adrienne Palicki can pull it off. Of course, if The Cape is any indicator of NBC's ability to do superheroes, it could also fail spectacularly. Maria Bello has snagged the lead role in the remake of the excellent BBC miniseries Prime Suspect, and while there are several more traditional comedy pilots in the works, I'm most intrigued by the return of Debra Messing in the musical-theater themed Smashed, which hopes to be the next Glee.

Creators of Wonder Woman: Consider yourself warned.

The Crazy: Playboy, a drama set in the 60's that follows the lives of the famous bunnies could be Mad Men or could be Swingtown; Grimm, a cop drama set in a world where fairy tale characters exist (dying to see how they pull that off); and Brave New World, a workplace comedy set in a Colonial Williamsburg type theme park. See, I told you they were bringing the crazy this year.


ABC

The Cool:  Tim Allen will be back in macho form in the sitcom The Last Days of Man, a potentially funny/potentially cliche comedy about a man's man surrounded by women. Grace is an ensemble family drama set in the world of professional dance and Sex and the City creator Darren Starr is back to soaps with Good Christian Bitches, about a former mean girl who returns to her Dallas roots. I'm also kinda pumped about Once Upon a Time from LOST writers Ed Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, about a little boy who moves to a magical town. Like Eerie, Indiana but less Twin Peaks-y. (Wow, I reached back for that one.)

This show scared the crap out of me.

The Crazy: Pan Am, another soap set in the swinging 60's, but with stewardesses. Hallelujah from Marc Cherry, starring Jesse L. Martin (The Dancing Detective!) as a man who shows up to help a Tennessee town being torn apart by the forces of good and evil (featuring a gospel choir used as a Greek Chorus). And last, but certainly not least, Poe, which imagines Edgar Allan Poe as a charming crime fighter. Quoth the raven, WTF?

Sexy, sexy crime fighting.

CBS

The Cool: Some of my favorite people are looking to find a home on CBS this fall: Sarah Michelle Gellar stars in Ringer, about a woman on the run from the mob and Minnie Driver is back with Hail Mary, about a mom who teams up with a con man to fight crime. JJ Abrams has one of his two pilots here, Person of Interest, starring Michael Emerson as a billionaire who teams up with a retired CIA agent to; you guessed it, fight crime. CBS knows where its bread is buttered.

The Crazy: There is no crazy. It's CBS.


FOX

The Crazy Cool: FOX is bringing it big this season, from JJ Abrams' second pilot, the much-buzzed-about Alcatraz with LOST alum Jorge Garcia, to Exit Strategy, starring Ethan Hawke and helmed by his Training Day director Antoine Fuqua. Keifer Sutherland will be back on TV with Touch, the new supernatural show from Heroes creator Tim Kring and the adaptation of graphic novel Locke and Key will tell the story of a family with portals to magical worlds in their home. Oh, FOX. You so crazy!

Not Crazy: Keeping this man on my TV.

Of course, all this being said, probably the only shows any of the networks will actually put on will be medical dramas and sitcoms with loglines like "A couple faces the ups and downs of marriage while dealing with their crazy family/friends/neighbors/dog."

Seriously, you wouldn't believe how many of those shows they are making.

Oh, wait. You watch TV. Yes, you would.

...And your stupid face!

I'll tell you Freaks, I've had a hard time with today's list. I've been working on it for weeks, and bugging everybody about it, and I am pretty sure that I'm still forgetting someone.

Ah, well.

Come get your hate on!

Truly Hated Significant Others

Part of the difficulty with this list is that I wanted to make sure that these romantic "plot points" were universally, and for the most part, unfairly hated by fans in general, and particularly those "shippers" who have a vested interest in a show's lead romantic pairing. So you will not find Richard from Friends (because who doesn't love Tom Selleck?) or or Bryce from Chuck (because who doesn't want to look at Matt Bomer?)

No one.

These are the characters who caused us to yell at the TV, take to message boards (Not me, I totally don't do that) and plot unimaginable horrors to the ones who stood in the way of true love.

Riley Finn, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Probably the original hated significant other, poor Marc Blucas never stood a chance as Buffy's post-Angel beau, despite his corn-fed optimism and sweet demeanor. Even when they gave him an interesting "Super Soldier" back story, people seriously hated this character. I was late to the Buffy party, so I never shared the contempt that most felt for the gallant Mr. Finn, but I wasn't sorry to see the back of him in the show's fifth season, either. Man, people really hate this guy. There are websites.

Fangirls have this on dart boards all over the world.

Ana Lucia, LOST

In season two of LOST, the creators introduced us to the "Talies", the remaining survivors of flight 815, led by tough-girl Ana Lucia. She flirted around with both Sawyer and Jack, making shippers on both sides of the Kate triangle crazy. Simply put, Ana Lucia was a bitch. And every time they tried to make her likable, or give her a back story that made her a more sympathetic character, it backfired. So they shot her in the chest. Problem solved.

This will not solve your romantic problems.

Lauren Reed, Alias

In one of the craziest season enders in history, Sydney Bristow wakes up to find two years of her life missing and her true love married to another woman. Reed would have been an unlikeable character to begin with, but played with little range by Melissa George she became nothing more than a hurry-up-and-kill-her plot point. Once again, the solution? Shoot her in the chest.

This is the only face she made for an entire season.

Tori Scott, Saved By the Bell

Um, excuse me, 35-year-old lesbian biker? Who are you? Where did you come from? Where are Kelly and Jessie? Wait, where did you go?

Seriously, what are you doing here?

Leo Markus, Will and Grace

I hate Leo. He ruined this show. I'm still very upset about it, obviously. Seriously, I really do think the way the character was introduced, the quickie wedding with Grace, and the subsequent comings and goings put a permanent damper on this show from which it never recovered. I maintain show runners could have had Grace marry Woody Harrelson's Nathan in season four because, unlike Leo, he had his own individual chemistry with the rest of the characters and could have maintained a genuine place in the show. Plus, so much cuter than Harry Connick, Jr.

I hate you, imaginary character.

Byron Douglas, A Different World

Ok, so if you were not in the fourth grade when I was, this one might not be as big of a deal to you, but believe me when I tell you that it was huge at the time. Byron, who was engaged to Whitley for a brief time, is the perfect example of the "Runner-up Boyfriend", a guy who probably isn't all that bad, but he's kinda boring and mostly just not the one. And Dwayne Wayne was so cool!

The epitome of cool, circa 1992.

Hannah Burley, Bones

The inspiration for this list who was recently (though unfortunately I don't think permanently) kicked to the curb on Bones, Hannah has been raising the ire of fans since she showed up on the arm of our favorite Fed. It does not help that actress Katheryne Winnick is dreadful nor that the writers felt they had to try so hard to get viewers to like the character. Seriously, guys. When your show is basically built on the romance between two characters, we accept that you are going to give us stupid significant others to put up with to drag out the drama. I'm not stupid, I know it's never going to last, so just let me hate her.

Pictured: Irrational Hatred

Alright, Freaks, who am I missing? Unleash your TV scorn below!

The Akron of Southwest Indiana, or: Why Parks and Recreation is Awesome

Hello, Freaks! I'm so sorry you have been without me so far this week, but your absent blogger came down with a case of the sniffles. In order to make it up to you, two posts today! Yes, the list is coming shortly, but I wanted to take a moment of your time to tell you why you want to add Parks and Recreation to your Thursday night lineup.

I am new to the P&R bandwagon, and truthfully have only watched about half of the aired episodes at this point, but I have become a huge fan. This show if funny. Like, really, really funny. I can not get enough of Rob Lowe's infectiously cheery Chris Traeger, who calls everyone by their full name and is so positive he commends April for showing "Great initiative!" when she responds to his call. Chris Pratt's Andy is dopey sweet, telling his girlfriend the truth "because of honesty is important", and you can't beat Nick Offerman's Ron Swanson, the mustachioed man's man, who loves America, meat, and himself. It's this great collection of characters that makes this show, and brings to life what could be boring plot lines in lesser hands. Plus, there are lots of great throwaway jokes, too, like drive time radio show "Crazy Ira and the Douche", the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness (Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon), and the crazy racist City Hall murals.

It brings all of the humor of The Office or 30 Rock, but they learned to lay off some of the awkwardness that can make those shows hard to watch at times. (I still have nightmares about the "Scott's Tots" episode of The Office. I cringed just typing that sentence.) Case in point: a few weeks ago, the devoted Leslie Knopes (the awesome Amy Poehler) came down with the flu right before a big pitch meeting. It's genuinely hilarious when she breaks out of the hospital, high on meds, and manages to make her way to the meeting despite all attempts from her friends and co-workers. She's a complete mess as she stands up to the podium, and that's when you cringe, waiting for her inevitable and spectacular downfall. But it never comes. She does a great job, gets her sponsorships, and you as a viewer, are just so happy for her. They've taken the awkwardness we've come to expect from mockumentary shows and used it to make us more emotionally invested in the character's success.

That great sense of heart pervades the show as a whole. It was funny when SNL-alum Will Forte guest starred as a Twilight fan who chains himself up in Leslie's office in order to get her to put the book in the town's time capsule, but it's a lot more interesting when we find out he's doing it to impress his estranged 12-year-old daughter. Like big-city consultant Ben says, "These people are weirdos, but they're weirdos who care."

You'll care too.

And because it's hilarious, here's a very NSFW promo featuring an expletive laden rant from Rob Lowe.

Love is a battlefield

Hello, my dearest Freaks, it's Friday!

You only have three more days to find a gift for your valentine.

Also, list time.

In honor of the festival of St. Valentine, I am proud to present a look at love on TV. Not the happy easy kind, mind you, but the complicated let's-argue-amongst-ourselves-for-years kind of love.

Ten Legendary Love Triangles

A brief note before we begin, as you know I always have to quantify my listing with a few caveats: this list contains true triangles, as opposed to a "one of the two we know are meant to be together gets a significant other for a while" plotlines. These are the triangles that even fans can't make up their minds about.

Dylan/Kelly/Brandon, Beverly Hills 90210

Most people choosing a triangle from this show would argue for the Kelly/Dylan/Brenda, but I think this is really the one that stuck. Another example of the classic nice guy/bad boy triangle (don't worry, we're not done with those yet!) this years-long plotline even drug into the series re-boot, with producers giving adult Kelly a child and not revealing who the father was until much later. (It's Dylan, if you care.) Guess she didn't choose herself in the end, huh?

Um, I think you need a bigger t-shirt...

Big/Carrie/Aidan, Sex and the City

Yep, Carrie ended up with Big. I still think she's an idiot, as enthralling as I find Chris Noth's eyebrows. No matter which side of this debate you fall on, this triangle brought out the lesser side of Carrie's character, which was interesting and incredibly ballsy of the writers.

Life was hard for Carrie Bradshaw.

Dawson/Joey/Pacey, Dawson's Creek

Joey was supposed to be the love of Dawson's life. The show set the two up as the will-they-won't-they couple of the entire series, and Pacey was only supposed to be a temporary plotline. Due to the great chemistry between Katie Holmes and Joshua Jackson and the general charm of the Pacey character, most of the fans changed their minds, and the series ended with a happily ever after that didn't include the lead character. Poor Dawson.

He's sad, too.

Jack/Kate/Sawyer, LOST

One of the most hotly debated triangles on our list, Jack and Sawyer spent years fighting over the indecisive Kate. Many "Skate" fans (ew, I can't believe I just typed that) jumped on the Juliet bandwagon after she and Sawyer spent three years in love in the 70's, so the writers gave Kate and Jack their happy ending. Well, before sending Jack to his death and Kate on a plane home with Sawyer. Yeah, they really didn't know what the hell they were doing.




But I do.



Bill/Sookie/Eric, True Blood

Ok, to be fair, I do not watch this show, but this seems like a big deal. I don't know what all the fuss is, just pick the hottest one.

This one. It's this one.

Michael/Marta/Gob, Arrested Development

Certainly the most hilarious triangle on our list, this awesome Arrested plot featured Michael trying to steal Gob's hot Spanish actress girlfriend Marta. Mi hermano....

Zack/Kelly/Slater, Saved by the Bell

Man, this is the second Kelly on this list. (Super slutty, Kellys.) This is the defining triangle of my generation, and we totally use it as a personality test. Are you a Zack girl or a Slater girl? Although pretty much all of the (attractive) characters on this show hooked up at some point, this triangle was the lynch pin of the early years.

This poster was the lynch pin of my early years.

Jem/Rio/Jerrica, Jem

So, here's the thing about this triangle: Rio is dating Jerrica, right? Only, he starts dating Jem too. Now, Rio does not know that Jem is actually Jerrica, transformed into a kick-ass rockstar by magical holographic earrings (wow, the 80's were weird) so is he technically cheating? Thank god my five-year-old brain was too distracted by all the awesome songs like this one to be confused by this at the time.

                                     From this video, I think Jem has dissociative identity disorder.


Ben/Felicity/Noel, Felicity

This whole show was basically about about this love triangle. Luckily Felicity got to rearrange time at the end to see what it would be like to end up with both of them. Yeah...this show got weird....

I can not stop laughing at this picture.

(Also, random aside, poor Scott Foley! He's ended up on the wrong side of triangles on Felicity, Dawson's Creek, Scrubs, Cougar Town, and in real life when Jennifer Garner left him for Michael Vartan. Let this guy get the girl!)


Angel/Buffy/Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

If you ever want to see a fangirl throwdown, bring up this triangle. Seriously, if you looked at BtVS websites or message boards (Don't. Don't do that.) people have been fighting about this, venomously, for years. Once again, it's the classic (brooding) nice guy vs. (reformed) bad boy fight, taken to a whole new level with the addition of fangs. You know the ladies love them some vampires!

Oh my god. Do NOT Google this triangle.

So there you have it, Freaks. How ever many you are loving this Valentine's Day, have fun!

Wait, what?

Sometimes I like to think of this blog as my own little public service. I'm just helping out my peeps, trying to keep you from wasting your time on stupid TV, and  helping you find the good stuff that will bring a big smile to your face.

You're welcome.

In excitement over tonight's season 2 premiere of Justified (which, of course you are now watching because you take my words as TV gospel) I thought I would tell you about a few other TV gems you should be watching that might have slipped by you.

I do not know how to be more convincing.  

Being Erica - SoapNet

Do not freak out. I know it says SoapNet, but this Canadian-produced (CBC) show would have been equally at home on ABC, USA, or even SyFy. Erica is a thirty-something with a crazy family, no boyfriend, dead-end job, blah, blah. You know the drill. She gets an upper hand from her "therapist" Dr. Tom, who wants to help Erica with her regrets by sending her back in time. That's right, it's time travel therapy! Done poorly, that conceit could have been a total train wreck (the American remake coming in the fall could prove this) but because this is a well written and well acted show, it proves to be moving and interesting. Lead Erin Karpluk is adorable and really watchable, and has the best name on TV. Seriously, Karpluk? So much fun!



Archer - FX

This raunchy, subversive adult cartoon is taking on spies like The Venture Brothers took on superheroes, and doing a bang-up job of it. (See what I did there?) With voices from H. Jon Benjamin, Aisha Tyler, Judy Greer, Chris Parnell and the always brilliant Jessica Walters, Archer is like if Barney Stinson were raised by Lucille Bluth and they opened a spy agency together. It's witty, it's R-rated, and it's funny as hell.

Raising Hope - FOX

This show did not hook me in the beginning, which given it's Greg Garcia (My Name is Earl) pedigree was really surprising, but it has quietly turned into one of the best shows on TV. Garcia, as Earl fans will remember, has a talent for wringing funny out of down-on-their-luck protagonists, and finding the sweet in the middle of broad humor. This show is a rarity on TV; a well-written family sitcom that is realistic but not corny, where the characters actually like each other. I could mostly care less about Cloris Leachman as the crazy Maw Maw, but I think Garret Dillahunt is hilarious as the Dad and Martha Plimpton is really a treat to watch. Plus, cutest baby ever.

And because I am so helpful, I have an update on Raising Hope's follower, newcomer Traffic Light. I previewed this show in the Spring TV post, and my hunch held true. So unless you find "Men are stupid and women are shrews!" type jokes hilarious, don't bother.

You're welcome.

Rocking Your World

Do not ever say that I am one to run from a fight! (Although I totally am. I will run like like Charlie Sheen chasing a hooker.) When my boys wanted to know the top ten TV theme songs of all time, I accepted the challenge.

And then kicked its ass.

That's right, Freaks, this Friday brings a very special:

Top Twenty Greatest TV Theme Songs

Let me briefly intro this masterpiece of jingle by saying, first, I used the word "song" up there specifically; I did not feature any themes without words. We'll save those for a later list. And also, I apologize for whichever of these lovely tunes gets stuck in your head for the next two weeks.

20. Facts of Life

The 80's was the golden age of the TV theme song, and this one exemplifies it perfectly. It encompases the basic plot of the show, while also giving us all a little lesson to grow on, too. Of course, it makes no sense if you bother to think about it, but hey, they tried!

19. Blossom

Most of you probably won't even remember this theme song, but it was good, better than most of the early-90's genre. Plus, it gives Joey Lawrence and Mayim Bialik a chance to booty-bump in the intro and makes up a word. Awesome.

18. Psych

It's a really great intro to start with, but what really makes this song genius is the way the show uses it. The creators frequently record new versions of the theme based on the episode, which is just really fun. Here's one by Boyz II Men:

17. Welcome Back, Kotter

I know this is a good theme song, because I know it and I have never, ever seen a single episode of this show. I think it was about a teacher. I'm guessing there was a stoner kid, a girl in tight pants with Farrah hair, and an angry black kid. How'd I do?

16. Full House

How many of you will forever hear the dulcet opening "Ahh ahh ahh" of this song whenever you see an establishing shot of the Golden Gate Bridge? And seriously, what did happen to predictability? Better yet, what does that mean?

15. Duck Tales

This is a rockin' song, with a seriously kickin' baseline. Look for Lil' Wayne to sample shortly.

14. The Brady Bunch

This list is just not complete without this song.

13. A Different World

I know every word to this song. God, I really, really loved this show. I also love the very last sassy high note here:

12. Family Guy

This theme makes fun of "family" entertainment, all of the themes on this list, and the show itself. Plus, baby drops an F-bomb.

11. Rawhide

Kept from the top ten only by the fact that I think most people my age know this better for the puppy chow commercial than for the actual show. Still awesome.

10. Saved By the Bell

When I was between the ages of seven and eleven, the opening bell in this song provoked a Pavlovian response of extreme tween sqealing. I apologize to my parents.

9. The Dukes of Hazzard

They were just good ole' boys. Trying to make a living. (Wait, maybe that's a different song...)

8. The Adams Family

This song is so good, it took a series of snaps and ensured that you will never be able to think of anything else when you hear them. Beat that.

7. Cheers

Making your way in the world today takes every thing you've got. But it's better with beer.

6. The Jeffersons

Damn it. Now I just want a piece of pie.

5. Monk

Oh, Randy Newman. I love you. How do you write such hauntingly beautiful theme songs? Seriously, how do you do that? It's such a weird talent.

4. Friends

In addition to being a classic one-hit wonder (8 weeks on top the Billboard charts!)  this is a perfect song for this show. (This clip is a weird fun one I found, since I know you are all now singing the original in your heads.)

3. The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Hey, remember when Will Smith was a goofy guy on TV, and not trying to groom his children to take over the world? Good times.

2. The Golden Girls

If you threw a party, the biggest gift would not be from me, because I am broke. But I've got a hug with your name all over it!

1. Sesame Street

Because you do not mess with the Street.

I'd like to give shout outs to our Honorable Mentions: Scrubs, Fraggle Rock, Darkwing Duck, The Fairly Odd Parents, Land of The Lost, Jem, Good Times, Animaniacs, Step by Step and The Love Boat.

Did I miss something? Yell at me in the comments!

Stupid Decisions: A How-to Guide

OK, Freaks, my brain is entirely scattered today, so here is a random smattering of stuff that is pissing me off:

Post-superbowl Glee

In this just released clip for it's post-superbowl episode, Glee has done what any show would do, and attempted to retain the male dominated audience with high school girls in bikinis. My only question is:

Why?

Look, Glee, you are the third gayest show on TV. (1. RuPaul's Drag Race, 2. Jersey Shore) Why are you trying to pander to an audience that is never, ever, ever going to watch your show? This is a personal pet peeve of mine. I realize that with the invention of reality programming, executives think that all shows should be able to reach a complete audience. That is just not how it goes. Women like The Good Wife. Men like 24. Stupid people like Two and a Half Men. Not all shows appeal to everyone, and that's really ok! I think it's weird that FOX executives decided to put Glee on in the primo after-superbowl spot to start with, but don't change who you are because you have a one time shot at a large audience. They aren't going to watch next week. Actually, they're going to change the channel once everybody puts their clothes back on.


Last night's Chuck

As this blog has well established, I love Chuck. LOVE IT.

However...

Last night's episode, while sweet, fun, and funny and all the other great things I expect Chuck to be, was stupid. We watched Chuck capture the series' best villain, become an uncle, and propose to his girlfriend all in one episode. It felt like an ending. Now, next week's promos would indicate they intend to address this, which I appreciate, but writers, this was a terrible idea. You are already on the bubble with so-so ratings for an expensive production at the Comcast-crazy NBC, where the executives wouldn't know good TV if it tried to french them in the elevator. Do not make it worse by giving viewers what could very conceivably be a happy ending to the series. It's just baiting the bear. The show-cancelling bear. (What? It's a thing.)

Last week's Bones

Another of my favorite shows, although I could certainly write you an entire post of things pissing me off (next week, promise!), Bones is usually a pretty well-done procedural. It's taken a page from CSI  in the past with gross out imagery, and it's not a great show to eat dinner with, but last week was way too far.

The show killed one of it's more interesting villains with a sniper shot to the head. Alone, fine. I've seen lots of gunshots, no big. But the damn thing exploded, and then the producers insisted on showing us the headless body several more times before it was over. They can say whatever they want about trying to freak out the audience to make them feel like the characters, or whatever lame-ass excuse they have, but it was gross for the sake of being gross, and it was unnecessary. Stop it.

Now about Angela's magic computer.....