Steamy Summer? Meh, Not Quite.

It's a good thing I 've got vacation plans this summer, Freaks, because the summer TV schedule is looking bleak indeed. 

You can find the full list of summer premieres here, but let's see if we can find a few bright spots, shall we? 

Mistresses (ABC, premiered June 3) 

Soapy, silly fun. Look, it's summer, enjoy yourself! 

Also, Scandal isn't back until September. 

Graceland (USA, June 6) 

In true blue USA fashion, they've taken what should be a ridiculous premise, a bunch of undercover agents live in a house together on the beach, and made it fun and full of bromance and banter. The perfect summer show, and a great accompaniment to the final season of the great Burn Notice. 

Yep, totally watching for the banter. 

Under the Dome (CBS, June 24) 

Summer's most widely anticipated show, this series, based on the Stephen King novel of the same name, centers on a small Maine town that is mysteriously trapped, you guess it, under a dome. Why? How? Who cares? It's post-apocalyptic type drama plus small town crazy, and it should be a fun ride. 

Wait, they can fingerpaint the dome? That's going to make it much more fun! 

Camp (NBC, July 10) 

The summer camp premise is a good one, so this show lives and dies on the chemistry of the cast and the sophistication of the jokes - neither of which seems promising from what I've seen so far. 

So, Rachel, I see we're making that face a lot....

Other things NBC is burning off over the summer: Crossing Lines, the Donald Sutherland helmed international "thriller" about elite cops; Siberia, which seems to be "What would happen if Survivor took place on a haunted island?"; and Get Out Alive! With Bear Grylls, which is definitely the best named show of the summer. 

Alive and sexy. 

King and Maxwell (TNT, June 10) 

In TNT's rich tradition (Rizzoli and Isles, Franklin and Bash) of naming their tv shows after law firms, King and Maxwell brings us Rebecca Romijn and that-guy-who-played-The-Closer's-husband (Jon Tenney) as snarky detectives who I'm sure have delightful banter and will-they-won't-they chemistry. (If it's half the chemistry Rizzoli and Isles have, it'll be one hot show.) Major Crimes premieres the same night. 

Ray Donovan (Showtime, June 30) 

Hey, if you're not sick of the complicated male anti-hero who does bad things while failing to deal with his family, then this new Showtime series starring Liev Schreiber as the titular character should be right up your alley. If you are, then you won't care that Dexter is back the same night. 

Ooh, see, he's walking away from the light! He's all dark and complicated! 

Orange Is The New Black (Netflix, all episodes available July 11) 

By far the most promising new show of the summer, Orange is based on the memoir of the same name, the story of Piper Chapman, a pretty white girl from a rich family and the year she spent in prison. Helmed by Weeds creator Jenji Kohan, it's sure to bring the funny with the pain. 

What do you mean "toilet wine"? 

Whose Line is it Anyway? (CW, July 16) 

I have an unabashed weakness for this show. Always have. Seriously, watch this clip, and tell me Wayne Brady isn't a national treasure: 

And that Colin Mochrie doesn't make you feel OLD. 

Notable returning highlights: 

Falling Skies (TNT, June 9), Switched at Birth (ABC Family, June 10), Magic City (Starz, June 14), True Blood (HBO, June 16), Copper (BBCA, June 23), Suits (USA, July 16), Web Therapy (Showtime, July 23), Breaking Bad (AMC, Aug 11).