The TV Freak Freaks Out

Oh, my dearest darling Freaks, I'm having a hard time.

There's just too much to snark about!

Too much to say!

Too much to love!

And seriously, way too much to hate.

Suck It, Emmy

Jon Cryer?

Go to hell.

Also, Amy Poehler is has more class in her little finger than you have in your whole stupid, awful, evil collective mind.

And clearly, much better cleavage. 

I'm OK with Homeland, I don't think it was better than Mad Men or Breaking Bad, but it certainly wasn't worse, and I could understand the win. (Claire Danes especially deserved it, she's fabulous.)

But Emmy just doesn't get comedy.

The nominees should have been Parks and Recreation, Modern Family, Community, New Girl, Suburgatory, and Happy Endings. Those are the smartest, funniest, freshest, best-est shows on TV.

Parks and Recreation should have won.

By a landslide.

A huge Amy Poehler shaped landslide.

So, what else should I watch if I want to have a stupidity anureism? 

The Neighbors.

Animal Practice.

Guys With Kids.

God, even the baby is bored. 

Do not watch these shows if you have enough skill to write a complete sentence or have the ability to comprehend a joke.

Because chances are you heard all of the ones they used in a rerun of an 80's sitcom on TV Land.

What about if I want to watch something good that probably won't last very long? 

Ben and Kate premieres on Tuesday (8:30/7:30, FOX), sandwiched between two new New Girls (now I feel like Dr. Seuss), Matthew Perry is a consummate sitcom star on Go On (Wednesday, 9/8, NBC), and Shawn Ryan (The Shield, The Unit) creates another powerhouse man-drama with Last Resort, which premieres on Thursday (8/7, ABC).

Can't you just feel all the testosterone, punching you in your lady parts? 

Anything else? 

Castle is back! Bones isn't as bad as it was last year! Don't judge The Mindy Project too harshly!

Watch the last season of The Office. Last week was good, and Greg Daniels is back to run the last year the way he wants to, so it can only get better. Plus, Stephen Colbert is going to guest as Andy's college "frenemy" and a capella group member 'Broccoli Rob', and I'm pretty sure that's the best sentence ever.

I seriously haven't stopped laughing about 'Broccoli Rob' in like an hour. 

If you have kids, you should be watching Grimm (NBC, Friday, 9/8) and Once Upon A Time (ABC, Sunday, 8/7). (I mean, I'm watching both of them anyway, but kids would really dig these shows.)

The rest of it will have to wait for October.

Oh, wait.

That's next week.