Tiny Adorable Murderers

So Bones came back last night.

I'm.....

Well, it's like.....

I have no idea how I feel. Sure, it's cute. They're moving in together, saying I love you, Baby Hodgela is freaking adorable, it's all happy sunny sweetness.

And I feel like I missed a season.

I'm not going to lie, Freaks, this baby makes me nervous. So does the one over on How I Met Your Mother. Why?

Because babies are show killers.

They come into shows where they don't belong, screwing up the existing dynamic and leading to asinine plot points or bizarre characterization.

Let's get listy!

Ten Show-Ruining Kids

Friends

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, there was a way to do that kid as the perfect ending to the Ross and Rachel story, and they...did not do that. Instead, Emma went the way of Ross' other child, in that we completely forgot that it existed. Except for when they trotted it out for a random, usually silly, plot device.

When else has a baby been less memorable than a haircut?

Murphy Brown

Sure, it was a big deal when this fictional character stood up to the actual Vice President by having a baby as an unwed single mother (Hey, remember when that was a big deal?) but shortly thereafter the show became focused on Murphy's personal life instead of her career and the show lost its edgy zip. Plus, that kid grew up to be Haley Joel Osment. I see dead series?

Grownup Haley wishes I would write less lame jokes.

Will and Grace

The rare instance of a non-existent baby leading a show to its demise, I think W&G's shark-jumping moment was not Leo, but the terrible decision that led up to it, Will and Grace trying to have a baby together. It's a cliched plot that would make more sense when the show is on its last leg, not in the middle of a previously great season. Plus, it made Leo happen. And I hate Leo.

It's like if a fish were a person.  

Charmed

What seemed like an OK idea at the time turned into three seasons of yelling "Wyatt is going to turn out to be evil!" And Chris ended up with the whole, "Oh, crap, I messed up the timeline and now I have to make sure my estranged parents do it or I won't exist to keep Baby Wyatt from turning into Big Evil Wyatt!" thing, which, honestly, was just a little weird for everyone involved.

That child-like face says "Parents, please get busy."

Beverly Hills, 90210

OK, not so much of a show-killer as a character-killer, but Andrea's baby with that guy who was supposed to be a random extra and got to stick around for three years made for some unbelievably boring drama in the midst of an otherwise crazy soap. I'm sorry Brandon never loved you , sweetie, now pack it up for Boston!

Guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses. Especially when the slut next door isn't wearing anything.

House

It's possible that people just got really sick of hearing about lupus, but my money's on Cuddy's baby as the downturn to this formerly enjoyable procedural. It made House kinda mushy, which no one wanted to see, and led to the disastrous "Huddy" relationship, which has definitely put the nail in the show's coffin. Expect the funeral march to begin any minute now.

No, seriously. How does he keep his license?



Angel
It was a shocking twist when two vampires magically got to have a kid, and they managed to pull several really great episodes out of it before it all went to hell. Literally. As sci-fi shows are prone to do, baby Conner got kidnapped to a hell dimension and came back a twisted teen hell bent on revenge. And also, kinda living out some Oedipal fantasies with Cordelia. Which was just really icky.

Aaaaannnnnddd....there goes lunch....

Full House

An attempt to step up the cute factor after the Olsen twins weren't toddlers anymore, Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky got married and had twins of their very own. And still lived in the house with all of the rest of them. Um, what? You're an adult. Get your own apartment.

With two babies, isn't it awesome that we have that big attic room to live in?

Ally McBeal

Hayden Panettiere kinda messes everything up, doesn't she? This was a weird and left-field plot in which the child Ally never knew she had appears from nowhere and somehow manages to stick around. I know they were lawyers, but were they also magic?

Yeah, magically delicious.

Growing Pains

The worst offender of the 80's sitcoms that magically aged their babies overnight, the Seaver kid went from being in diapers to....the second freaking grade. Did you think we wouldn't notice, show? Guess what! We did.

We also figured out this guy was going to end up a douchebag.

So what do you think, Freaks? Any tiny tots I missed? Are you freaking about the possible babies of doom on Bones and HIMYM? Take it to the comments!



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