April Showers

April is a long month in TV land. There's just not much happening, is there, Freaks? It's not quite finale season yet, so none of the shows are having big exciting drama, nothing new is premiering, there's not even any industry news.

It makes it hard to write a TV blog.

I mean... what to say?

I could tell you that I watched Magic City, and while I want most of the clothes and jewelry it features, I do not give a crap about any of the characters. It was described as The Sopranos meets Mad Men and the problem is that it is trying very hard to be just that.

And failing miserably.

But god, it's trying hard. From the we-get-it-it's-Sinatra plot line (and BTW- were the mob bosses gonna let the union guys screw with Frankie's big New Year's Eve concert? Methinks not.), to the extremely gratuitous nudity, to the long melancholy gazes of Jeffery Dean Morgan, everything was just trying so hard. Please don't even get me started on the mobster's wife who seduces the son, because she's trying so hard to act sexy she's probably sweating diamonds.

Honey, real sexy is effortless.

Give me that dress, you don't deserve it. 

I could tell you that I adored the Law and Order parody from Community this week, that I found it to be the sweet spot that show hits when it does meta perfectly- it's weird without trying to be weird, it's paying sincere homage to its source material while making fun of it, and that it used plot developments to choose the perfect material to satire, but....

Do you watch Community?

The ratings would indicate that you don't.

You are a horrible person who is going to kill my favorite show. Are you happy with yourself? 

You might watch New Girl though, which I think you'll agree keeps getting better and better. I am desperately hoping that Nadia the Crazy Russian Model becomes a regular occurrence, because I died laughing at everything she said. I love the guys and the group dynamic, and it's really nice that they've figured out a way to temper Zooey's quirky shit into a likable character.

Because I'll tell you, her iPhone commercial makes me want to take a bat to her adorable face.

Yes, it's fucking raining. You're looking at it.

I could also tell you that I just can not make up my mind about Scandal. I hate the casting for the President, he's smarmy, which is unfortunately making me care less about Olivia's struggle with her feelings for him. You got played by a jackass, honey. You're a smart woman - deal with it. I enjoy the show, I'm just hoping that it ramps up next year and really blows my socks off.

I can tell you that I have the last two weeks of Revenge unwatched on my DVR. Why?

Apparently I didn't miss it as much as I thought.

And that I keep watching Bones despite the fact that it makes me miserable. Seems I can't quite find the line between hopeful and time-wasting.

Ok, well it's never entirely wasted time...

But all of those things seem a little blah, don't they, Freaks?

Where's the TV passion? Where's the fire and brimstone? Where's the vitriol, aimed (with love, mostly) at the shows and networks that need my help?

Should I use it to tell The Office it's time to hang up the employee badge? Tell Cougar Town that while I love it, I also understand why people don't? To tell The Vampire Diaries, once again, to stop having themed school dances before my brain explodes?

Yes, because of course the entire school knows how to jitterbug. Go to hell. 

Meh.

I think I'll just save it for May.